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Hope for the Holidays

I Lost My 25-Year-Old Brother

by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW

Dear Deb,

I recently lost my 25 year old brother the day before Christmas Eve. It was a horrible shock, but God has given me a lot of peace through it all. My mom is having a hard time this Mother's day. I wish I could make it all better for her.

Dear Reader:

I am so sorry for your loss and for your Mother's loss. I know that this is arriving after the fact and I apologize for that. There is no easy way to lessen the loss feelings on this day. She will feel intense feelings at each major holiday or anniversary day for at least a year minimum and most people feel that way quite a bit longer. But she hasn't lost all of her children. You cannot make the pain go away but you can convey your love. And actually that may even mean more a few days later rather than right on Mother's Day, a day when all we think about is our mothers or our children.

So, first I'd tell you that this is normal for her to be feeling these feelings. Then I'd urge you just to keep steadfastly acknowledging your love. She'll have to go through the stages of grief and that will take some time, but with loving support she can make it.

What will be important to you is to realize losing a child does not mean loving the rest any less. Grief is grief, and the process has to be gone through to heal. So just keep conveying your love. Explore our site for articles about the grief process and loss of a sibling. Those articles may be helpful to you. I am so sorry for the pain your whole family must be enduring now and the helplessness you must be feeling.

Blessings,
Deb


Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.